My name is David. I am a man and an alcoholic.
A sober one, for today anyway.
It took me many years of reckless drinking to work out I have a better chance of life if I don’t pick up that first drink.
Getting sober was a brutal necessity and now it’s a daily choice.
A way of life, a space between the stimulus and the behavior. A gift.
Generally, when sober, I can look in the mirror and smile at the man staring back. Generally. Not all the time.
And the journey into my loss and the journey out of my loss has taught me many things about myself. And life.
My blogs are a collection of my thoughts and musings.
I’m not an expert or a scholar or even an academic.
I’m not an author, more like a survivor firing words from a gun.
I’m not an example.
If I could call myself anything, I would be an observer.
I’m good at watching and listening and reading, and then, adapting.
I’ve tried lots of things, done lots of things.
Son, brother, friend, husband, father, lover, partner.
Made so many mistakes I stopped counting in my twenties.
But the scars I earned and the blood I spilled has been the clarity in my adaptation.
I liken myself to a survivor of war.
My own war.
Observation has shown me that most of what I was taught, most of my belief systems and values and ethics have created dissatisfaction, resentment and ultimately, fear.
And this is the Western myth; The more I gather and own will make me well.
And my reality, was the exact opposite, a polar cap apart, because the more I owned the sicker I became.
And the more I tried to gather, made me even sicker, and I was unable to see the pause and the gap between the stimulus and the behavior.
So I had to learn to let go.
When I let go, silence ensued, and the silence in the pause was my redemption.
This is not a blog on goal-setting or leadership. I find most goal-setting books to be a study in contradiction.
Goal-setting assumes you start from a position of failure and future want—therefore, positive affirmations become negative confirmations.
They sell a secret or promise that can be achieved only if you follow an aspirational ten great steps to redemption and untold wealth.
And the redemption promised is in fact a curse and not a path to nirvana.
So, for something completely new and different, this blog is not telling you to be anything or do anything, and it’s not telling you to seek out the truth.
I’m not showing you how to get well or be the best you can.
What does “best” mean anyway? Best compared to whom or what?
All I am trying to express is another way to live, an easier and softer way that is without the potential of distraction and in short snippets.
I can’t concentrate for more than a few minutes, so I write in grabs.
You may see some alignment or reach an awakening.
You may learn to choose to change from some of my experiences.
You may decide to take an easier path without making the mistakes I made—and let me tell you, that alone is a very good outcome—or you may perceive me mad or stupid, glum and guilt-ridden.
You may be right, and if you do see me as faulty, God bless you, because that is your right.
For me, though, in the end, it doesn’t matter.
Nothing does matter, apart from today.